Synaptic

After reading Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters (a book of fictional letters from a lord demon to an underling demon about collecting souls for hell), students were asked to write a creative “Screwtape Letter” of their own, following the writing style and phrasing choices made by Lewis, er… the demon Uncle Screwtape… in the original letters. For example: they had to use a letter form, use complex arguments, refer to Satan as “Our Father Below” and God as “The Enemy.” Cade did this admirably (read: properly diabolically?) in the context of demons touting the use of internet and social media as a way to decrease human happiness.

Dr. Anna Christensen

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I would like first to apologize for my last letter. I know that it may seem as though I was fully embracing your terrible fate, but I tell you truthfully that I meant it only as motivation. As I am sure you are aware, your secret work with some of your colleagues was noticed by Our Father Below, and he has suggested that you be pardoned from your fate on that basis. Now that you know you are safe, you can know that I am writing this letter as your affectionate uncle, and not as your ravenously affectionate uncle as I implied before. Rest assured that I will remain at your disposal to be of help… so long as you continue to perform so well.

Now on to business. I have noticed that in your last few letters (you have managed to send me so many even while you were hiding from me) you have mentioned the effect that the internet could have on your new young patient. I am sure you have noted by now that the rise of the World Wide Web was the direct result of centuries of hard work on the part of Our Father Below. However, my colleagues and I have been drafting up new rules for how the internet should be used in temptation. Until the final rules have been posted, I ask that you avoid the subject altogether, as in the current state of the internet there is too much potential for the Enemy to get His hooks into our patients using such a tool. We must not underestimate the capabilities of our Enemy to twist our own tools against us. I am of the opinion that we must further develop the Web before we can fully utilize its capabilities. I have heard from Triptweeze that he is working on an idea that he calls “Social Media”, which I find quite promising. He informs me that there is great potential for not only deepening existing bonds with Our Father, but also to put more of our patients in contact with those who are already destined for Our Father’s house.

Once this “Social Media” is fully developed and implemented, I hope some of the following advice will help you to use it properly. The new technology will allow for us to tempt patients in two ways which used to contradict each other. First, we will be able to isolate patients even more, as “Social Media” will draw them further into arguments and conversations with people they do not know, pushing them further away from their true friends and family. Second, we will be able to force patients to be even more connected and overwhelmed than ever before, as we can push them into groups of people with similar interests which are far larger than most can keep track of. The isolation allows us to better control the patient’s thoughts with less outside influence, and it also inspires a sort of depression as they draw apart from people they used to be close to. The connection, however, is where the true genius lies. We can use what Triptweeze refers to as “algorithms” to force our patients into close-knit groups that encourage exactly the sort of behavior which Our Father so adores. And that’s the best bit; these “algorithms” are fed, not by positive reactions, but by any reactions at all. Since the internet itself makes it so much easier to inspire negative reactions, we can use that to our advantage, and make sure no group on this “Social Media” has pure intentions at heart.

However, I must be careful not to speak too kindly of this project just yet, as there are many dangers involved, and I must be sure to inform you of this as well. While the internet and Triptweeze’s “Social Media” seems to be perfectly made for our use, there are many pitfalls you may encounter as we start to use this technology in our temptation centers. I must first warn you about how you approach the subject with your patient. You must make sure that he does not use his full attention at any moment, as this would lead to your patient knowing too much of our traps and how to avoid them. Instead, you must guide him to the internet in a moment of laxity. Our traps are designed with utmost care to snare the inattentive most easily. If we are careful, this strategy should even lead to inattention becoming more prevalent, making our jobs even easier in the future. You must also take care to guide your patient in his first interactions, as Triptweeze’s “algorithms” are built upon every interaction at the beginning. There is potential for any misstep to lead to your patient using the internet in a wholesome way. Therefore, take care to guide your patient’s eye to the most shocking information you can find. I have also been informed that we must avoid something called “cat videos” AT ALL COSTS, as they can cause an overload of happiness and even that blessed “joy” which Our Father hates so much. Once he begins to gravitate toward the negative on his own, we shall have him within our grasp. I am personally working on a method which should make this easier, which I call “clickbait”.

But enough of this talk of the internet! I would also like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your promotion! Your work with your last patient may not have gone so well, but with all the extra work you have done and your most recently assigned patient being such a devout brat, I can confidently say that you are doing very well in your new position. Speaking of your newest patient, I have noticed your previous mention of his inherent evil which you have harnessed. I must take quick action to correct this misconception immediately. While it may seem that some humans are inherently evil, this is actually not the case. In my experience, while many people have a tendency toward good or evil, humanity in general is neither inherently good nor evil. The Enemy, strangely, saw fit to gift them with the ability to choose their own path, instilling within them free will. Therefore, do not grow to rest on your laurels. While you are doing well with your patient right now, do not assume that some inherent evil in this young boy will make your job easy. Stay vigilant and watchful, and ensure you do not let his mind wander to questions such as this. When a patient begins to think such philosophical thoughts, you can be sure that the Enemy has got His hooks in them.

If your patient begins to wonder whether he is inherently good or evil, you can be sure he will want the answer to be “good”. Once he has decided this, the Enemy has His way in. From this point, it only takes a careful nudge or two before your patient has decided that the way to be good is to do good, and then we will have lost him forever. If you cannot turn his mind from such thoughts, though, do not guide him to think that humans are inherently evil. There is much more potential to turn him away from the path to the Enemy if you let your patient believe he is good. Instead, you must turn his gaze to his neighbors, family, and friends. Let him see that they do not live up to his standard of “goodness”. However, you must take care not to let him realize that he also fails to meet this standard. If you can only make him believe that he alone is worthy of being called “good”, then we should be able to conceal the value of other people from his mind. From there it is only a simple task to let him go on through life as just the sort of self righteous prick who believes everyone else to be beneath him, and there is no faster road to Our Father Below.

Your affectionate uncle,

SCREWTAPE